Google has helped me in finding people who share the same feelings like I do.
My attempt to express this emotion is not unique. Here’s a post that you can read as a pre-read:
Today is one of those days when you question your social life and your ability to make friends. I am one of those people who allegedly can make new friends easily. Alas! That’s as far from truth as humans are from Mars. Yeah, that far.
In school and college you always had company. You like it or not. The human presence matters. At least you had someone to dislike.
It doesn’t help that in my first job at Deloitte I was part of the lunch group. We were quite inseparable. Mostly. There were days when it was difficult to follow different threads of conversations. On other days, it was just Modi or Football. We also did bash our service line. We had the right to. You feel possessive of something that you truly care about. In this case our job. Our scale of liking for the company varied but we had a common denominator.
If I try and think why is that I am unable to make more friends, I invariably conclude that I haven’t really got used to the new place, people or the culture. That is only part of the problem, the remainder I am yet to discover.
Smartphone helps. Twitter keeps me entertained. Facebook gets me cranky. WhatsApp keeps me alive. All emotions one needs to experience in a day.
Yet there are days, like today, when nothing really helps. Smartphone becomes redundant. You can’t figure out one positive of eating alone. You just want to sulk and cry with your head in your hands. It probably is not just because of eating alone, various other events factor in but “eating alone” is the noticeable enemy.
You need to appreciate your eating company. No matter how naive, stupid and frivolous their comments are. You got someone/something to lament upon. When you don’t have anyone, you live in your head. And, that’s a dangerous place to be in.